508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
