and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
