Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
