he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
3pm strippers are depressing
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
