The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
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I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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