It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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