Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
