Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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