The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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