i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
