New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
