All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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