I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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