Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
