to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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