i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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