You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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