I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
