i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
