me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
