Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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