Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
