I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
