Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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