Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
