broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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