You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
