so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
