So drunk its hurt
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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