Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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