I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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