perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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