he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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