Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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