@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
