i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
