Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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