so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
