Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
