Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
