just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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