so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
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4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just pee around me
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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