I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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