God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
