I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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