It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
