We won't sleep together?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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