And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
