he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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