wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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