ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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