But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
