I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
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How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
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And then my night got REAL pukey
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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