God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I need help removing her.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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