The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
