i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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