Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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