Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
