There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
worst night to have a conscience
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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