On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
