i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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