the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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