real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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