somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
