I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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