So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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