Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
