even my farts smell like vagina
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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