i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All the doctor said was why
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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