dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
