Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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