Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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