Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
