I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
