One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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