my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
