So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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