Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
