I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
