Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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