either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
